Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?

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(573): View more from Missouri

I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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(416): View more from Toronto

Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this

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(760): View more from California

Houston, we have a blender

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(319): View more from Iowa

Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.

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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream

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