Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This is my gift to your gina
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
