we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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