He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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