if you like me you must not know who I am
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
