you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
