Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
