Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
