Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
