she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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