I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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