I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You are a genius and a whore.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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