how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
