I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
There's even glitter on my cock...
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