Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
