I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Someone came in the potted fern
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
