i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
