Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
