So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
