just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
