I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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