ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
