my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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