I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
