The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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