i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
