I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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