I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The dick lei will go down in squad history
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
