your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
