is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
