im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
