i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
