So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
