Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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