I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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