don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
