Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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