I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
