Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
