I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
