Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
