yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
