You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
