woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
