I'm really into asian looking animals
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
