alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
