You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
