the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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