Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The power of my boobs compel you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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