In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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